down in the woods. there is a ghost playground.where the dead have come back. we will follow the voices downstream, dodging the cracks, and we will dance in the grey, brilliant moonlight. i will have forgotten how to dance. i will have forgotten how to smile. "i don't think jesus is coming back," i will say. the midnight breeze will detangle the rotting blades of grass and will ricochet off of your overexposed tombstone. all will be silent then. i will remember how real all of this is. i will be dragged back to my campground and will be forced to sleep in my tent, only opening my eyes to check to see if you're there. i put flowers by your grave. everywhere i go, there is a haze. even when i wake up, it is still there. i search for you too. but you are not here.
the rain will fall down like it always does / and i expect it to kill me / i want it to kill me / and everything is still falling down / i hear it / the pitter-patter and the burning sounds / i've been running with the hell hounds / you learn you can't save someone from themselves when all they do is serve as their (your) own personal hell / don't let me rot inside this prison cell (just askin') / how's florida? where we didn't meet / how's texas? hotter than those sheets i would hug just to turn you on / i bet (?) is beautiful this time of year / i need forgiveness but i deserve to burn in hell / i crave forgiveness but / (i'm gonna make sure x2) / that i'm going to burn in hell / YOU'RE GONNA MISS THIS / i don't wanna make new friends / they just remind me of the end and how i fucked everyone up / i'm sorry i'm never enough / (never be enough)
what do you know about leaving town? / does it take long to come around (now)? / i know my mom would miss me / i know my friends would feel guilty / so why do i still have the urge to kill what’s left inside? / you said you wanna love me if i’ve got the time / well i don’t even know if you’re heart is still mine / every day is a revolving door / (every day is a new pain than before) / just waiting to see what heartbreak has in store for me / (because this god has nothing more for me) / i want to convince myself that your hands were nothing more / (they were tied x3) / than devices for fulfilling my vices / rather than a loving touch that reminded me i was more than enough / (of all that i was good for) / there’s not many things anymore (anymore) / i hope you’re happy-stuck with the choices that you make / i hope one day that your parents give you a break / and i hope one day you’re held responsible for the things you do and say every day / get out of that car / (fuck you) / like you tore out my heart / (i love you) / you've turned my heartbreak into a motherfucking art
seeing your face still calms me down even if you're kissing someone else / i know that you're safe and i take comfort in the fact that you're okay / even if you never hear me say / bunny i'm sorry we both fucked up / but i still believed that you were more than enough / and even if you don't want me or need me anymore / i'll still worry / i'll still love you / and if you ever call me again / i hope i still can be your best friend / i love you to the moon and back / and i miss you to death
it hurts worst right in the morning when i first wake up / because my mind becomes a theater of all of the times we fucked up / i couldn't stop burning (writing) even if i wanted to / i just hope he loves you / i hope you're happy - whatever / nobody cares that it all feels like yesterday / when they know you're so far away (far away x2) / i don't have a reason to blame myself for feeling pain / i'm done with clinging to the passion i once had / ("it took me a while to taper from that") / but i hope one day you smile / and i hope that's forever / but i hope you don't think of me when i'm under the weather / and did i tell you / i love you by the way
i want to stop eating again so i can feel something other than this pain in my chest / and i want to stop sleeping again because in my dreams for the past few weeks / our memories are the only thing that i see / (la da dum x4) / and i don't wanna fall in love again / i don't wanna lose another friend who tells me that they will love me 'til the end / and i've learned all too recently from those around me / that these masks are more frequent than they seem / but biting into something sweet won't fix your rotting teeth / so if you're gonna betray me then backstab me like you mean it / BACKSTAB ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT / oh for the love of god / BACKSTAB ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT / 'cuz it's all that i've got
about
"if there were lacuna, i wonder if i'd delete you," - crywank
i wrote most of this album within the last two weeks of july of 2019 following an extremely rough and unforgiving breakup. during this period of foodless days and shaky, sleepless nights, i was comforted by those who generously took it upon themselves to give me spaces to write, cry, and rant. without these people, for who i am extremely grateful, there is no way that i would be where i am right now (physically/mentally/artistically). there is no way that this album would exist without you. i love you all so much.
bands i would like to thank:
whether i have sampled you, have talked to/met you, or listened to your projects on cold nights, you have influenced me and comforted me greatly. thank you.
arcadia grey
bring me the horizon
coma cinema
crywank
elvis depressedly
dandelion hands
graduating life
hysterla
sorority noise
swordfish
teen suicide
finally, thank you to anyone who has ever supported any of my music projects. regardless of whether this means listening to my muisc, coming to shows, or through giving me donations, all are appreciated more than you could ever know.
star student/jake - 2019
credits
released August 17, 2019
-album art by @devillavhs/janie on instagram and twitter.
-background vocals by veronica reed on "camp song" and "listening to rodia,".
-this album features samples from:
10 Things I Hate About You
American Horror Story
American Pleasure Club
Death Grips
ricky eat acid (youtube channel)
TED Talks
Entirely analog, lush melodic pop with a tender heart from L.A. artist Human Barbie sounds bigger than the bedroom project it is. Bandcamp New & Notable Oct 22, 2020
The latest from sean thornton explores dark themes, but they’re handled with a delicate grace in these beautiful bedroom pop songs. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 25, 2022
Slowcore, shoegaze, twee, and noise find their way into this ambitious full length from the St. Louis band Frankie Valet. Bandcamp New & Notable Jan 9, 2020
